Yesterday, July 24th 2025, was a Thursday, and I just couldn’t find my footing. Now, I know not being able to get the hang of Thursdays puts me in solid company, Arthur Dent seems like a mensch, but it’s not great to struggle your way through a workday. Much like Arthur, I woke up to bewildering news and things never got better.

So, somewhere on the 23rd or 24th of July, Itch.io, caving to credit card processor pressures ad demands, stopped listing a bunch of books and games on its site. Anything marked with an NSFW or a few other tags. This is part of the same action that you may have read about where Steam stopped offering many of it’s more salacious games.

So… the thing is, some of my stuff got wrapped up in Itch’s mast delisting. I write, under a pen name, the occasional romantasy novel that centers queer, especially trans, people. Be the change you want to see in the world and all that. I’ve also got some non-fiction, a book of open letters about the trans experience. Both of these are listed as ‘adult’ titles. There’s some swearing. Some frank discussions of self-harm and a culture that views consent as an afterthought. They’re no more salacious that the recommendations I see in our work #reading slack channel, but they got wrapped up in the same ban as the steam games.

Well, I didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on it. I shot out a tweet complaining about the situation and stating I was effected. Just the smallest thing to raise awareness, and I turned to my job. Wrote some words, then some source code, went to lunch and talked about AI strategy with our engagement managers. As I got back and was taking 5 minutes to hit the toilet and read the news, I saw that Amy Sherald had canceled an art show with the Smithsonian over censorship. They thought her portrait of a trans woman dressed as lady liberty was too incindiary in the current political climate.

So then, twice, before my afternoon had well and truly begun, was I reminded that I don’t really belong here, wherever here is. There’s not a space for people like me in the world, for art that contains us, or that is built for us. That’s the message… the constant, ceaseless message. It wasn’t even over then. On the radio on the trip home I heard a news piece about how a queer film festival was canceled due to the new executive orders.

So, Thursday was kind of a shit show for feeling like there’s a place in society for peple like me. The thing is that, honestly, Thursday wasn’t particularly remarkable. I feel like I’m coming off of about six months of Thursdays, maybe more, at this juncture. Every day seems to bring new horrors, if you’ve got eyes to see. And the worst part, there’s still the reasonable expectation that I set those issues aside and do my job.

Running on Empty

And I’m trying to baby. I really do enjoy the sort of work I do, and I really am trying to stay focused on the task at hand. It’s just hard with all of the constant assault and harm going on in the background. It’s not just hard for me, of course. It’s hard for every marginalized person in your organization. Be they queer or a non mainstream religion or not caucasian or a non-traditional diet or family structure, or some combination of the above and a billion other communities I haven’t mentioned, your people are fucking tired man.

We need rest, but the answer can’t be to disengage. If I had a nickle for every time someone’s suggested “just don’t watch the news.” First of all, the solution to being boxed out of public life by force can’t be to remove ourselves from significant parts of public life by choice. I can’t avoid ads if I consume any media at all, nor can I choose what’s on the radio, or the diner’s TV, or the TVs at the airport. I certainly can’t choose what my colleagues want to discuss at the water cooler or lunch room.

Similarly, we can’t opt out of those things. If we set that all aside, we wouldn’t be participating in life. We have to be able to shop for groceries. If we go on a trip with our families, we need to be able to stop at gas stations and restaurants on the way. We have to be able to build raport with the people we work with at lunch and over shared experiences of life and media because that’s the job. In all tech jobs, technical ability is table stakes, relationships and communication is how you get shit done, and all of us are, employed or not, in the business of getting shit done I’d wager. Beyond that, we need to engage with the news and society to have a sense of what’s coming so we can plan to soften the blows.

Field of Rakes

And so, you steel yourself and set your jaw an do to engage with the work. You’re braced because it’s going to be hard, and work should be a little hard and challenging if we’re going to grow, but there are so many roadbumps that no one but you has to see. There’s a catered lunch, but no one remembered that you’re vegan, or need to eat halal, or have a wheat allergy. It’s not a problem, you just back your lunch every day anayway. There’s a networking meetup at a bar, but you’re in recovery. You go out to lunch with a client, but the organizer picked a restaurant without single occupancy or gender neutral bathrooms.

It’s not just the work that’s hard. It’s the billion tiny little pieces of friction that exist around the work, just not for everyone. Not everyone is struggling with addiction, or has a dietary need dictated by biology, ethics, or religion. Not everyone worries every time they walk into a bathroom. But some of us do, and if that’s not your experience, it’s probably not front of mind when you’re making plans.

I’ve been sent to training sessions where speakers on technical topics have casually disparaged antidepressants, anxiety medication, and antipsychotics. It’s not just about psych meds; I’ve also attended sessions led by pastors in companies where people of different faiths feel uncomfortable, or heard politicians who’ve actively worked against my rights in the workplace speak on leadership. These situations are far from unique. When companies platform individuals whose views directly oppose the well-being of their employees, it does more than make those employees feel sidelined; it teaches them that their struggles, even if unspoken, aren’t fully understood or considered when decisions are made.

It’s not always a matter of indirect impact either. If you have the opportunity to run internal programs, whether it’s training, charity events, social gatherings, or reimbursement programs, it’s worth asking yourself if everyone within the company truly has equal access and the ability to benefit from them. This can be tricky to navigate. For example, while an evening out for employees and their partners may seem inclusive, it doesn’t necessarily accommodate polyamorous employees who may want to bring multiple romantic partners, unintentionally leaving them out. Similarly, matching charity donations to a list of pre-approved causes can unintentionally exclude organizations that are most meaningful to certain employees. The most challenging situations arise with rules that are left undefined or rely on judgment calls in the moment. These are inherently difficult to apply equitably, often leading to inconsistent scrutiny and making it harder to hold decisions accountable.

So What Can You Do?

What you can do to address these challenges depends largely on your role within the organization. But no matter where you sit, there’s something everyone can do to make a difference.

For Management Leaders and Change Makers:
It’s important to recognize the power you hold. When you’re in a leadership position, don’t pretend like you don’t have the ability to influence change. When an employee comes to you with a complaint, understand that it likely took a lot of courage and effort to raise it. Acknowledge the weight of that situation and the urgency behind it. The act of coming forward with a concern is often a reflection of significant distress, and addressing it thoughtfully is an opportunity to show that you care about your team’s well-being.

For Team and Technical Leaders:
If you notice that someone’s work output is slipping or they’re seeming disengaged, it’s important to recognize that they’re likely exhausted, not just from the demands of their role, but from the world around them. In times like these, small gestures matter. Pay attention to workplace friction, both interpersonal and systemic, and do what you can to reduce it. Simple actions, like keeping a list of dietary restrictions or meal preferences, can make a big difference for someone who’s already dealing with stress outside of work. Any small distraction you can eliminate today could give someone just a bit more mental space to focus on the work at hand.

For Engineers and Colleagues Across All Roles:
If you’re working closely with someone who’s a little more curt or distracted than usual, try to extend some grace. There’s likely something going on in their life that you don’t know about. While it’s tempting to brush off behavior that feels off, being curious, without prying, can help foster a supportive environment. And while it’s important to check in, it’s just as important to respect boundaries. If someone isn’t ready to open up, that’s okay. Let them know you’re there for them, but don’t press further than they’re comfortable with.

In Conclusion: The Work Is Ongoing
At the end of the day, creating a truly inclusive and supportive environment is a collective effort. It’s not enough to simply acknowledge the problem; we have to actively engage in changing the way we work, relate, and listen to one another. Whether you’re in a position of power or just part of the team, your actions, however small, matter. Every step you take toward understanding, empathy, and inclusivity contributes to a larger movement that can ease the burden on marginalized people in the workplace.